James May

In reply to Mr May's DT column concerning his up and coming holiday in France.

Hello James,

“There are some that only employ words for the purpose of disguising their thoughts."
Voltaire

Will you rue/roux the day you go to France?
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So you're off to pay homage
to the famous French fromage:
How middle-class are you?
And dont try to blame that lady of yours,
when your cooking is pure cordon/Gordon (Ramsey) bleu/blue!
On Top Gear you try hard to act yobbish,
and it never quite seems to ring true.
You cannot go mixing, tweaking twin carbs
with beating a fabulous roux!

I reckon the French might plan kidnap,
As your avant garde pies have such flair,
Chained in a chateau, with du pain et de l'eau
and an enlightening book by Voltaire.
Oh no!
They might force you to be a sous chef!
Do you think you can swear a bit more?
And start to get on with the Dom Perignon,
with the French folk build up a rapport?

Pardon! Mr May, I got carried away,
I'm sure this wont happen on your holiday,
But,
just to be safe and not sorry,
I'm sure you will still have some fun,
Even wearing a wig and dark glasses
And,
remembering to call yourself....
Monsieur Clarkson!
Elaine x